If only yelling at the TV improved programming

So many TV programs make me want to shout back the way hockey fans do while watching a playoff game with buddies. Sometimes it’s the physical mannerisms of the participants. Other times it’s the speech patterns of accomplished adults which more closely resemble teens chatting during school recess. Much of the time it’s scheduling of inappropriate commercials that pop up when I’m about to enjoy a meal. If those complaints aren’t enough, consider the inexplicable behaviour of couples on shows like “90 Day Fiance”.

Women are especially guilty of physical mannerisms I find irritating. For instance females at a talk show where they twine their legs resembling a twisted oak. If a fire alarm went off they’d be the last to exit the room leaving behind an upset chair. Why they rate twining their legs a ladylike posture I don’t know. I wonder if , Done often for lengthy periods of time, I wonder if they might not one day suffer joint problems in the spine, hips and knees.

Locks of hair hanging over their eyes or covering their face also gets to me. Some actresses, particularly, use this as an excuse to repeatedly brush the hair out of their eyes which draws attention to them. Kirstie Allie, though seen less on TV now, occupies top spot in my memory for this annoying habit, more pronounced during interviews than when she worked in the “Cheers” bar.

All-women talk shows are best watched with only the sound. That way I needn’t see their flurry of flapping hands. If they wore casts on their wrists after a skiing accident, would they be able to express their thoughts?

Another behaviour category that takes up a lot of air time while conveying little is, “You know”, followed by a shrug. In the September 30th episode of “90 Day Fiance” the identical twin sister of a 42-year-old jilted woman was quizzed by a moderator about her judgment of the relationship and what had gone wrong to end it.

Most of her answers consisted of , “you know” followed by a shrug. If listeners were left to determine for ourselves where the unsuitable pair had gone off the rails, we didn’t need the twin’s vague replies. At her age, with her facility of language otherwise, surely she could have come up with more meaningful terms than a lazy shrug.

In fact, “you know” is an ubiquitous introductory phrase spoken by many educated and experienced panel members on network news shows.

Asked, “What did you think of what happened?” the guest commentator often begins with, “Well, you know, I mean”.

No, I don’t know. And since the commentator has not yet said anything more, how could I imagine what he or she means? If this were a written interview, an editor would have taken a blue pencil to these five words. Granted, that would leave a lot of empty air time to be filled, minutes that could add to listeners’ understanding of the news situation.

Those irritants are apt to occur at all hours on any TV show. My single biggest beef are commercials for constipation or diarrhea aired as I am about to enjoy a meal.

As a student nurse in my teens, a retiring nurse said the test of a student’s fitness for the job was the ability to eat a piece of raisin pie while emptying a bedpan. I would have failed the test now, and even more so now.

I’ve never yelled back at a TV show, but I would if it made any improvement.

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